[aesthetic-of-unperfection]

Avoid sitting around waiting for your partner to make your date happen. Consider your feelings when this person doesn't call, text or email you. If you're usually so crazy, angry or sad that you put off doing other things to wait and then end up making all sorts of excuses to explain this silence, it's probable that you're obsessed and that you're failing to get on with your life.[13] Don't ever think the other person is sitting around thinking about you. The reality is that, even if you are an incredible person, your partner is probably wrapped up in getting on with their own life. If they feel interested in you, they will take the initiative to contact you. Since they are not doing that, it means they are busy or think you've already connected enough lately or have other things to be doing that don't need your hand-holding. None of these reasons are about you or about leaving you out––they're each about getting on with everyday life in a normal human way.
Even if your partner fails to contact you because he or she doesn't much care or is doing suspicious things such as being unfaithful, this is not a reason to obsess. This is a reason to find a new partner!



Improve what is missing inside.[14] If you lack confidence, have low self-esteem, fear the future or are still dealing with the emotional outfall of a dysfunctional upbringing, seek appropriate help. If you don't seek healthy outlets and find ways of coping with the things that aren't sorted in your own head, there is a risk that you'll try to use your partner as a proxy for feeling better about yourself. Develop your self-esteem, deal with your feelings of loneliness, and learn to connect with other people outside of a romantic relationship. In this way, you are putting effort into building your sense of self worth rather than hoping to "catch it" from another person (it sure doesn't work like that!).
If you feel you "need" a partner, use that a warning bell to take a good look at yourself. Nobody "needs" a partner; we all need healthy social relationships, supportive people and love but a partner is only one source of that. It is certainly something many people would like in their lives but neediness shouldn't be the motivation to become involved with someone. Love is a choice remember, not an imperative. Pick wisely.[15]
Realize that the irony is that the more you care about yourself and others, the more likely you are to attract someone who will love you deeply. Focusing on being the best person you can be and caring broadly for all people are attractive traits in any person.

Keep a notebook. Write down your feelings. Over time, read back through it and see the patterns that emerge. This can help you to avoid repeating unhealthy relationship habits.
Don't have any friends? Get out and do things and meet other people without friends. You all need each other and can have each other's backs.
Loneliness is a big reason for obsession. The answer is to fill your life with more people––this is where volunteering can help if you truly don't know anyone else.
Build a supportive network or group of friends. Always have people you can turn to in time of need.
Be aware that no matter what you do, some people will not give you the attention you seek. This should be adequate warning to you to consider that the relationship is either not compatible or is simply one in which you have varying levels of needs. In the latter case, it's up to you to think through the consequences of trying to make it work.
"What ifs" are a way of stalling your life. Let them go. Some things won't work out perfectly, or at all. At least you tried; better than regretting not bothering at all.
Talk to someone if you're hurting from obsession. Doing it alone is hard and isn't necessary!
Look for friendship first. It can be a great deal more fun and kinder than a bad romance. Friendships tend to last longer than a string of romances too!
Warnings
If you are depressed and no longer functioning in your daily life as a result of your obsession, seek professional help. If you are suicidal, call the Emergency Services or a suicide prevention hotline such as 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Obsession can be a bad habit, a reflex action that lets you off the hook of having to think for yourself. Beware any such tendency.

Queen of Cups (R) - Powerful, domineering emotional energy that has lost sight of love and with it the commitment to values greater than ones own personal success. Creative forces are out of control. Recognize when someone is simply presenting a good story - they may be intelligent but inclined to exaggerate. They may mean well but may not be fully reliable. When a person lacks depth - it is unwise to relate any secrets to them.
Acknowledge that it is possible for you to be deceived when you are not fully aware of the whole situation. There are people who may not have the sympathy or understanding that you think they have.

Do not abandon, deny or repress your feelings - be willing now to communicate them accurately and openly. You no longer have a need to attack others or apologize for your feelings. You are now ready to reflect accurately on the outside whatever you are feeling on the inside so that the two remain in constant balance. Accept and forgive. Receive and give with love and openness and your spirit will be renewed.

Extremes. On one extreme - unnurturing, neglectful, unloving, a cool personality. On the other extreme - smothering love, over attachment, over sentimental. A creative block. Incorrect development or use of psychic abilities.

9 of wands

ACTIONS

defending yourself
assuming ill will
expecting the worst
taking extra precautions
being paranoid
feeling wary and guarded
protecting others
remembering past attacks
persevering
persisting despite all setbacks
refusing to take "no" for an answer
seeing something through to the end
getting knocked down, then standing up
keeping your resolve
trying repeatedly
showing stamina
continuing despite fatigue
holding fast
drawing on hidden reserves
holding together through force of will
demonstrating physical strength
keeping up the pace
DESCRIPTION

The figure on the Nine of Wands has definitely been through tough times. His head and arm are bandaged, and he's leaning on a "crutch." This fighter has seen some battles, but he's still standing! He's hurt, but he's not down. When we have had a bad experience, we feel weary and battle-scarred. Even if we aren't hurt physically, our psyches are wounded. Our openness, innocence and trust are gone, replaced by wary defensiveness.

In readings, the Nine of Wands can be a warning that you must proceed carefully. Keep a watchful eye because there is the possibility that you will be hurt. If you have already been burned, you know what this man is feeling. Life's lessons can be hard sometimes, especially when hopes have been dashed. It is natural to feel defensive at such times, but try to avoid becoming bitter. Your experience has wounded you, but it has strengthened you as well.

Strength is the other aspect of the Nine of Wands. This fighter is tough! He has the physical stamina and the inner drive to persist despite all setbacks. In The Terminator, Arnold Schwarzenegger plays an android from the future who never gives up. In the end he is nothing but a wire framework with glowing eyes, but he still keeps coming - dragging himself along the floor to his goal. This is the spirit of the Nine of Wands. This card tells you to keep going no matter what. Even if everyone and everything seems to be against you right now, don't give up. Within you are the hidden reserves you need to prevail.

Love: When it comes to love, the 8 of Swords reversed points to potential disagreements and petty arguments in an existing relationship. Try to get to the root of any problems; arguments are not always about what they seem to be about on the surface. If you are feeling lonely and looking for love, this card is a hint that you have some work to do on yourself first. Another person cannot fill you up, if you are feeling empty. And feeling empty drives prospective partners away.